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Now this is for me only and if you are reading it, it's your choice.
Sometimes, I want to say things like: Lord, how am I going to survive? or even Fuck the world! fuck everything! but the brain is always restricted from interpreting it because my heart is not fully tainted yet.
Sometimes I wish to just leave my home, forget everyone I know, everyone seriously. and just go, go, continue going to somewhere i will find myself only and just sit down and get bored. stay there, nothing in mind
Other times, I just wish to leave this place and settle down with my lover in a beautiful dazzling desolate place where we can comfortably set up a home, and have a wonderful family safe from the infectious mental and physical diseases of this age, live life like it's meant to be lived.
Sometimes, I just wish everything should just stop, for me or for everyone, I don't care..
When I'm Busy..
I work in an altered state, the world is repressed. I become obsessed with my desire. but then when there are too many desires all at once, a multiple obsession comes with daggers, piercing every bit of my mind, creating atomic disorders that lead to emotional expression barging out subconsciously in a premature manner like it is right now,
Sometimes, when I think about what needs to be done or what I need to do, I get scared or irritated, I wish to mess the time up like I want, control things! but then you hold on to that delight of knowing, and u toy with the knot of the puzzle until you exhaust ur delight. Now I notice that I am talking to myself. isn't that supposed to be dangerous or have i naturally formed a habit of writing in the third person?
Imagine when you say things and discard them so it doesn't affect others, nothing that leaves need to be withdrawn because it needed to leave, but was it kept on the right place? if not maybe it should be removed.. does it matter anyway? My new keyword is Light (or Lord), give me strength
what da heck what am i doing?
Well, I still stand by myself, what is is.